do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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