btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
