I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
