By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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