It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
