bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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