Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
