I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
