how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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