you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
