We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
