Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
