I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
