Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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