I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize