Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
