Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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