bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
