My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
