He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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