I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
