Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
