I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
