i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
