This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
