so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
