Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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