I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
