Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
