Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
