I just pynch a tree in the face
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
