i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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