a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
