is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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