I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
