if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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