nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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