Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
