My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
