Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The best revenge is premature balding
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
