Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
