Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
