So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
