She's JV to your varsity
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
