This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
