East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
that is very illegal...i love you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
