My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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