Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
