Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
