then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
