Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I am morally bankrupt
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
