I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
