I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how drunk are you?
Several
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
