So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
