There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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