OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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