oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
